


Do I Have To Ask?

by WordsByMarcy



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Don't copy to another site, First Kiss, Flowers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Get ready for the fluffy fluff, Holding Hands, Hugs, I like my flowers, M/M, Pining, Romance, post-reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsByMarcy/pseuds/WordsByMarcy
Summary: It wasn’t until they were in his room, that Gon tried to understand himself. Figure out why his body ached for Killua's touch. And of course, there's only one way to find out.“Hey, Killua,” Gon calls out from the bathroom, “don’t…um…don’t take out the extra mattress.”He can hear Killua’s movements stop — he was probably in the middle of doing just that. “Okay…why?” Killua asks, entering the bathroom, “do you want me to get scoliosis from sleeping on the floor?”Gon chuckles, looking at Killua through the mirror, “no, I was thinking more along the lines of — sleep with me?”((Or the one where Gon will do just about anything to understand his feelings for Killua.))
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 110
Kudos: 661





	1. Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! I swear this will be my last story for a while, then I'll be dedicating my time into updating the rest of my stories I promiseeeeee:)
> 
> Gon and Killua are around 16-17, the story probably takes place after their reunion.

**Do I Have To Ask?**

_Chapter -1-_

_Your Hands_

* * *

“Killua.”

The name echoes through the house, sending shivers down Gon’s spine. His heart practically vibrates with emotion, wordlessly screaming all these feelings he doesn’t know — _that he doesn’t understand._

“Killua,” Mito calls out once more through the staircase, “come down, dinner is ready.”

_Killua._

_Killua._

_Killua._

_Kil-lu-a._

_What is this feeling?_ Gon questions. This enigmatic feeling that flows through his veins every time he hears Killua’s name. He can’t describe it, but he knows it's always there, imprinted on his palms — scattered across his hands and written in a language he doesn’t understand. 

“Coming,” and Gon’s reasoning nearly evaporates at the sound of Killua’s voice, his mind racing in inexplicable ways. 

“What are we having?” Killua asks as he finally makes an appearance by the kitchen’s door. “Is it lasagna?" he asks Mito while dramatically sniffing the air. "I bet it's lasagna," he smirks.

“Smart boy,” Mito replies with a smile. She carries a casserole full of lasagna across the kitchen and carefully places it down on the dinner table. “But first," she proceeds to wipe her hands on her apron, " wash your hands," she demands with a playful tone and finger pointed towards them both.

Gon and Killua immediately look at each other, their eyes speaking before they’re able to formulate any words. They instantly race towards the sink, Killua arriving first by a fraction of a second — making Gon pout childishly. 

"Let's race again," Gon whines. _"Please,"_ he emphasizes his pleas by making those specific eyes Killua always complains about.

"Nope," Killua flicks Gon's forehead. “I am not looking,” he swiftly turns his face towards the sink.

And Gon's skin burns under Killua’s touch, his forehead tingling when the pressure's gone. “Didn't want to win anyways,” Gon quietly mumbles while rubbing the sore spot.

"Don't be a sore loser," Killua chuckles and proceeds to wash his hands. 

_And it's strange,_ Gon thinks.

It's strange how his forehead continues to throb. Although it's not in pain but deep longing. Like his skin misses Killua's touch. Chases after it. Even if it hurt. 

_What is this?_ Gon questions. 

_Is it...masochism?_

He quietly laughs at himself. _What is he even thinking?_

He shakes his head and quietly sighs, deep in thought. He's sure he's never used his brain this much. 

They continue to eat dinner throughout the night, fighting over food, and making casual conversation. But if Gon was being honest, he was incapable of paying attention. It seems he's distracted. _Way too distracted_ with Killua sitting beside him. The heat of his body reminding Gon that he wasn't alone, that he wouldn't have to miss Whale Island's ocean anymore. He can just swim in the blue of Killua's eyes — stay there until he drowns.

“Gon?” Killua frowns in confusion, noticing how he's being unusually quiet. “Is anybody in there?” he asks while playfully poking Gon's forehead.

Gon stares back at Killua. 

_Yeah, you._

He desperately wants to answer.

But he knows better. Knows he shouldn't say things he can't explain. Not to Killua anyway. He asks too many questions and Gon has no answers. 

“I have my brain in there,” he finally replies, taking the last bite of his food.

Killua snorts, “doesn’t seem like it.”

Gon sticks his tongue out for the second time tonight, too absent-minded to come up with a better response. And Killua just smiles at him. He smiles that gentle smile that's full of his hidden warmth. Full of his quiet kindness. That smile that makes Gon's fingers twitch — like his hands were begging him to hold onto something. 

But onto what exactly? What do they want? _What does he want?_

It wasn’t until they were in his room, that Gon tried to understand himself. Figure out why his body ached for Killua's touch. And of course, there's only one way to find out. 

“Hey, Killua,” Gon calls out from the bathroom, “don’t…um… don’t take out the extra mattress.”

He can hear Killua’s movements stop — he was probably in the middle of doing just that. “Okay… _why?_ ” Killua asks, entering the bathroom, “do you want me to get scoliosis from sleeping on the floor?”

Gon chuckles, looking at Killua through the mirror, “no, I was thinking more along the lines of — sleep with me?”

Through the mirror, he’s able to see Killua’s cheeks shimmer like the scarlet fireworks they once saw on Greed Island; the sight making his heart nearly jump out of his chest. Making him nearly choke on his own saliva. 

Which was lame. _Very lame._

“What am I? A one night stand?” Killua jokes, trying to divert the atmosphere into a less risky one. 

“Killuaaaa,” Gon whines, still admiring the blush through the mirror, “what I meant is…let’s go to sleep together.” And Then he smirks, “but…y’ know unless you want us to _actually do—_ ”

“—Okay, okay, I get it, _sheesh_ ,” Killua interrupts with a darkening flush, “I’ll…sleep with you, so shut up,” he mumbles.

“Really?” Gon turns to look directly at Killua, appreciating how much prettier his features were in person than through the mirror. 

“Um…yes,” Killua blinks, distracted by Gon’s intense gaze, “if you keep looking at me like that…I’ll hurt you.”

“How?”

“Like this,” Killua’s gentle smile contrasted the harsh punch against Gon’s shoulder.

“So rude…” Gon mutters while rubbing the sore spot.

“You asked,” Killua shrugs, trying to suppress a grin, “Now brush your teeth—”

“—yes mom—”

“—shut up,” Killua narrows his eyes, “I’m gonna sleep,” he retreats to the bedroom. 

Gon softly exhales, grabbing his toothbrush and applying toothpaste to it. He lets his mind wander while he brushes his teeth, thinking of various ways he could touch Killua’s skin. Maybe their legs will tangle in the darkness, their touch secured under the blankets. Or he could gently brush his cheek, run his fingertips across scarlet skin. Or maybe their shared heat will be enough for Gon to finally realize what’s going on. 

There were many things he could do, but he had already made up his mind. Gon knew exactly what to do and why. 

The moonlight peeked through the window, the only intruder in their shared silence. Their bodies lay across Gon’s bed, skin making slight contact thanks to the lack of space. It seemed rude to interrupt the comfortable silence, but it would be worse to ignore his own desires. 

“Killua,” Gon’s voice was a mere whisper in the dark, “ are you awake?”

The silence returns, and then Killua whispers back, “ no.”

“ _Damn_ ,” he smirks, “well…since Killua isn’t awake, I guess I could talk about how pretty his eyes are and the wonderful person he Mmmmm—” Gon's voice is suddenly muffled by Killua’s hands. 

“Whelp, guess I'm awake,” Killua continues to press his hands against Gon’s mouth, “now suffer, you little devil,” he pushes down harder, “suffer until you…uum…Gon, w-what are you?” Killua's movements stop when Gon gently strokes his arms. He takes advantage of Killua’s weakened grip to grab his hands and remove them from his mouth.

Gon lets out a deep breath once he’s free. “I couldn’t breathe,” he huffs, shifting slightly to face Killua, who finally snaps out of his trance.

“That was the point,” Killua turns towards him, _“ you dolt.”_

“I’ll never know your reasons for wanting me dead,” Gon mumbles — finally letting their fingers intertwine, slowly adjusting their hands until their palms smoothly collide.

_And this is it._

_This is what he wanted._

That's precisely what's engraved on his palms — the undeniable need to hold Killua’s hand. There was a whole conversation flowing through their shared warmth, and it was entirely silent. Unspoken words translated into a simple touch, the language of physical contact. 

“Hey, Gon,” he can feel Killua’s breath on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Y-you’re…holding my hand.”

“Mmmm…good observation.”

Gon could almost feel Killua’s features morph into disbelief.

“Will you let go any time soon?” Killua decides to say, too dumbfounded to say anything else.

“I could,” Gon shrugs.

“Are you going to?” Killua presses.

“If you want me too,” he says back.

“Do you want to?”

“If you tell me to.”

“But what do you–aaaaghhh,” Killua huffs, irritated. “Forget it. I feel like this conversation is going nowhere, anyways." 

Gon smiles, glad he won the “argument.”

“That’s why you don’t ask stupid questions,” Gon quietly mentions, “and just let me hold your hand.”  
  


And Killua just sighs.

_“Fine.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story will be finished pretty soon! It’ll be updated tomorrow and finished that week:)
> 
> Please point out any mistakes if you see them! I like poetry, so I pretend I can play with words…and then I tend to write in weird ways that only I understand xd
> 
> Love you all <3 leave a comment if you can, they always make me smile:)


	2. Your Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update today like I promised wuuuuu

**Do I Have To Ask?**

_Chapter -2-_

_Your Body_

* * *

There’s an entire map on the palm of Killua’s hand, and Gon could uncover any mystery with a single trace of his skin.

“It’s supposed to be over here…”

“Mmmm, you don’t sound too sure,” Killua raises a questioning eyebrow. 

“I live here, of course I know,” Gon pouts, swinging their joined hands back and forth as they walk.

“Yeah, yeah, how about I look for it instead,” Killua tilts his head and smiles, “then if I find it you buy me some chocolate, sounds fun, right?”

Gon snorts while coming to a halt, “if diabetes sounds fun to you, sure go find it.”

Killua stops with him, furrowing his brow, “don’t spoil the fun, chocolate won’t give me diabetes.”

“Well, Leorio says—”

“—Okay…you lost me at Leorio.”

Gon starts cackling, throwing his head backward while bending his knees. “Aaaah…I didn’t even finish, oh god,…I’ll never understand how you’re able to annoy Leorio without him being here.”

Killua smirks, amused, “it’s a talent,” he shrugs.

Gon finally regains his composure, wiping tears with his free hand. 

“Alright, let’s go,” Killua says while dragging their hands forward, “gotta earn my chocolate,” he continues to walk, pulling Gon along.

“Okay!” Gon brightens, smiling down at their joined hands. 

Holding hands was now a constant in their lives, sneaking its way in on their daily routine. It became vital for his heart to feel Killua’s warmth splattered across his hand. It became a necessity. Essential to his survival, just like watering a plant. Every single cell in his body needed Killua as much as it needed oxygen. And one might think Gon was exaggerating, but that’s precisely how he felt, even if he fails to understand why.

“Gon look!” Killua’s voice flows through the open terrain. “ ‘Found the flower field,” a pale finger points forward.

Gon follows the outline of his finger until his eyes meet a plethora of lavender colored flowers. Radiant purple petals shimmered brightly under the sunlight, just as dazzling as Killua’s smile. 

“You found it,” Gon beams at the flowers, “there weren’t this many the last time I came.”

“Well, it’s spring,” Killua reasons, his eyes jumping from flower to flower. 

_It is spring._

Still, Gon felt like the island was connected to himself, _somehow_.

Just like spring brings blooming flowers, Killua brings blooming joy.

“Spring…yeah, the flowers bloom in its presence.”

So perhaps Killua is Gon’s spring. 

"But, I’d like to think they bloom for you,” Gon mentions while looking directly at Killua. 

“F-for me?” Killua sputters in disbelief.

“Yeah, your presence made the flowers blossom,” Gon concludes with a pleased smile, looking like he just solved a mystery. And perhaps he did, but it had nothing to do with the flowers. 

“The island looks pretty,” Gon says after a while, “thanks to you,” he squeezes Killua’s hand.

And the shy scarlet hue that tinted Killua’s cheeks was lovelier than any petal from the flower field. “Idiot…t-that’s not — that’s not how it works,” Killua stutters while looking away.

It’s how it works with me, Gon wants to say, but chooses to stay silent.

The sun starts to set as Killua eventually looks back at him, and time seems to slow down once they make eye contact. The sky pauses for a moment, numerous clouds listening carefully from above. The wind can't help but stay silent, quietly watching with the flowers, how blue and golden irises dance beneath the light of dusk.

And holding hands wasn’t enough for Gon to physically explain these unnamed emotions. He walks forward and lets his arms embrace the single reason behind the throbbing in his chest. Gon hugs Killua with heartfelt emotions — convinced they were made to hold each other.

“Gon…you’re…you’re hugging me.”

_Yes, he was._

Then Gon’s heart flutters in euphoria when Killua’s soft skin wraps around his. Killua’s arms snake around his middle — shrinking, so his head casually rests on Gon’s chest.

“We’ve hugged before.”

“Only once,” Killua sighs, “ a-and not this _long_.”

“Then,” Gon tightens his arms around Killua, “let’s stay like this until nightfall.”

“Why?”

“To make up, for all the hugging we didn’t do.”

“No, I mean,” he can feel Killua swallow, “ why exactly are you hugging me.”

 _That’s what he’d like to know_. 

All these decisions he’s making are for a reason, they’re being fueled by an emotion Gon’s trying to understand.

“Mmm, excellent question…you don’t like it?”

“I… I don't hate it,” Killua mutters.

And Gon laughs, a breathy and short laugh, “that’s not exactly an answer.”

“Yeah, well,” Killua snorts, “you haven’t answered mine either.”

“Well,” how to explain it? How can Gon make his emotions tangible if holding Killua wasn’t enough. “ I hugged you for the same reason, because…we haven’t hugged enough.”

Killua hums, “are you sure about your answer.”

“What is this? a pop quiz?”

“Maybe…” Killua chuckles, “is it because you’re sad about leaving your home soon?”

Gon hums in thought. _Killua was way off_.

They'll be leaving Whale Island tomorrow, and of course, he’ll miss Mito and his grandmother, but everything was easier when Killua's beside him. He’s sure leaving Whale Island won’t be as painful as it was before, not when Killua’s eyes could rival any star in the night sky. They certainly could rival any blooming flower that arrived with spring.

“No,” Gon shakes his head, leaning back, so he’s able to see Killua’s face, “I’ll be fine—”

Killua detaches himself from his chest, looking at Gon with curiosity. 

“—Since home is where you are,” Gon finishes with a smile. 

He’s certain that if he’s lost, the blue in Killua’s eyes will help him find his way back home. 

“…okay,” Killua whispers into the wind, blue eyes sparkling with devotion, “…I’d like to stay like this for a while,” he murmurs — resting back on his chest. 

And Gon smiles — the easiest smile that's ever grazed his features, “ that was the plan all along.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for taking the time to read my story! All your comments make me smile so muuuuuch waaaaa!! Sending my love to all of you:) 
> 
> As always tell me if something I wrote doesn't make sense, since I tend to write in riddles lol
> 
> Much love<3


	3. Your Cheeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update came a bit late:( Hope you're still awake!!!

**Do I Have To Ask?**

_Chapter -3-_

_Your Cheeks_

* * *

It’s exhilarating, the feeling of Killua’s skin against his. 

It’s fascinating. And intoxicating. 

And maybe it was no coincidence they met.

Maybe this was done by fate.

Still, he couldn’t help but want more from Killua. He _needed_ more. _Much more._

His greed knew no limit, as every day that passed was filled with a greater want. 

“You have that look in your eyes again.”

Gon blinks, distracted. “What look?”

“That stupid look that says ‘I want something.’ “

Gon makes a noise of affirmation, still pretty lost inside his head, “I _do_ want something…but, I don’t know what it is,” he pouts, “my brain won’t cooperate.” 

“Of course it won’t,” Killua rolls his eyes, laughing lightly, “ it’s full of barfed up skittles.”

“Well, you got one thing right,” he smiles down at Killua, “ it’s _most definitely_ full of color.”

Killua raises an eyebrow, _clearly not amused_ , “It’s _most definitely_ full of shit,” he mocks.

Gon frowns, pausing the hand that played with white hair, “rude Killua, that’s rude.” He stops petting Killua’s hair — to cross his arms around his chest, “I won’t pet you anymore.”

Killua snorts, his head casually resting on Gon’s legs. With fingers gone from his hair, he gets up leisurely from where he rests, “that’s fine, didn’t want your petting anyway,” he sits properly on the couch — disregarding the movie on the screen.

“Liar,” Gon smirks, “you’re just like a cat, I ignore you, and you come crawling back.”

“You wish,” Killua mutters, pretending to watch the movie. But the subtle blush on his cheeks betrayed the indifference he wanted to transmit. “ _You’ll_ be the one to crawl back,” he mumbles.

 _That’s true._ Gon laughs internally. 

Still, he could play along and act like he has some self-restraint left. After all, who didn’t like a little challenge?

So, Gon shifts his gaze towards the screen — pretending the movie was more interesting than Killua’s reddening cheeks.

Ten minutes passed.

Ten excruciating minutes.

Ten minutes with Gon's heart beating incessantly inside his chest, begging to see Killua’s face. Pleading to feel his warmth, to hear his heart palpitating back. To run his fingers through smooth skin, through his hair — through soft and touchable cloud-like hair. His deep longing cascaded in shivers down his back — prickling sensations soundlessly screaming with want. 

Gon felt like a drug addict, silently undergoing withdrawal symptoms. He eventually turns to face Killua, wanting nothing more than for those blue eyes to look back at him.

_Oh._

The thought makes him pause. It appears there's a bigger desire running through his veins. He not only _yearns_ for Killua to invade his space — but, _aches_ for Killua to look back at him, and… _want the same?_

“Stop squirming,” Killua complains, interrupting his train of thought. “If you want…you can hold my hand,” he offers, " if you're…that desperate."

 _What_?

 _“What?”_ Gon exclaims, dumbfounded.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Killua mumbles, finally facing him. “You’re fidgeting so much…y-you want to hold my hand, or…um…something like that, right?”

_Yes._

_Of course._

_He wants to hold hands until they both become one._

But more than him wanting it, he wishes that Killua also…that Killua as well—

Gon shakes his head, troubled. He's trying hard to understand what he wants.

_What does Killua want?_

“But what—”

“—you… won’t hold my hand?” Killua interrupts — tilting his head, offering his palm — looking _way too_ adorable.

And Gon’s thoughts vanish into the night.

There are scarlet watercolors splattered across pale cheeks, affection twirling through Killua’s skin. Shy sapphire eyes brim in ardor behind moonlight bangs — irresistible and enchanting.

Gon lets his body move on its own. He lays his palm on top of Killua's, grabbing and holding onto his hand. His thumb leisurely traces pointless figures on his skin, like writing poems without ink. Killua lets out a shaky breath, causing Gon to look at his face again. And this touch wasn’t enough to convey five years of overflowing emotions — brightly colored and selfish emotions. Gon leans forward and plants a kiss to the overwhelming heat of Killua’s cheeks.

  
“Y-you…kissed my cheek.”

_Gon absolutely did._

“I did,” Gon blinks, impressed with his own lack of self-restraint.

Killua’s breathless. Astonished. “Why,” he whispers.

Why? 

And once again, he’s speechless. 

“Because I can?” Gon offers after a while.

“Oh yeah?” Killua says, ” who gave you permission?”

“You,” Gon mumbles, saying whatever falls out of his mouth, “ apparently.”

“I did no such thing!” Killua scoffs, letting go of Gon’s hand.

“Well,…you kinda did,” Gon tries to explain, knowing his argument lacked common-sense, “ because it happened.”

Killua closes his eyes, sliding his hands down his face,“ that’s not how it works.”

Yeah, _he knows_ it doesn’t work like that. “It’s not?” However, Gon continues to blabber whatever comes out of his mouth.

“No! oh my god,” Killua throws his arms in exasperation, “ Gon, who raised you.”

 _Who_ indeed. “Aunt Mito.”

“It was a rhetorical question,” Killua sighs. 

“It was a stupid question, that’s what it was.”

“Stupid? _Your_ answers are stupid.”

“They’re not.”

“They are.”

Oh! For the first time, since he kissed Killua’s cheek, he has a _somewhat_ reasonable response. “Then, I wouldn’t have stupid answers if you didn’t ask stupid questions.”

Nevertheless, Killua found no trace of intelligence in his answer. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters, “I give up.”

Gon sighs, relieved Killua won’t ask any more questions. “You see, the more questions you ask, the worse it will get.”

Killua rests his chin on his palm, “I have no idea what’s going on anymore.”

“I’m going to do it again,” Gon blurts out before he’s able to stop himself.

“W-what?”

Not being able to properly respond to Killua’s questions was driving him mad. So maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to properly answer after feeling Killua’s skin beneath his lips.

Still, he didn’t want to make Killua uncomfortable, “ I’m just warning you, because this time,” Gon gently smiles, “ perhaps you’ll be able to stop me.” 

Gon starts to lean in, and Killua's eyes widen like dinner plates, “ wait!”

Gon stops.

“Um…” Killua visibly gulps.

To Gon’s surprise, Killua closes his eyes — giving a slight, almost minuscule, tilt of his head — like he's offering his cheek. The sight alone makes a mess of Gon's mind and is all it takes for him to continue. He gently presses his lips to Killua's cheeks, slightly closer to the corner of his mouth.

“You… didn’t stop me,” Gon says with burning lips after leaning away.

“I…" Killua blinks, " I didn’t,” he finishes with a distant look. 

And before Gon’s able to question Killua’s state of mind, he feels a wondrous sensation on his cheek. Tingles run through his extremities — dancing on his skin and settling in his chest, making his heart flutter inside his ribcage. The corner of his mouth burns with electrifying emotion, as Killua’s lips stimulate every nerve found in its wake.

_Killua just kissed his cheek._ Soft lips leaving fingerprints on his heart, claiming it as his own.

Killua leans back and timidly mumbles, “payback.”

_Payback, he says._

_Payback_.

Gon feels like a leaf, drifting through the wind —light, almost floating— slowly coming back to earth. 

_And it’s invigorating._

_He’s figured it out._

Every time Gon grazed Killua’s skin, he understood, _he wanted it_. He desired to touch until it was unbearable. He wants forever by his side until the sun's burning subsides — until the earth gently weeps with the last drop of water it needs. He wants infinity with Killua — to endlessly wander in each other's eyes. 

And yet, that wasn’t it. Because every time Killua returned a gesture, returned the action; with his hands, his body, his lips, his eyes — that’s when Gon understood — that even after every selfish desire of his, what he wanted _most_ , was for Killua to _also want it._ He desperately desires for Killua to want him back. 

_How greedy of his heart to want another one._

“What am I going to do,” Gon mumbles to himself, while each beat in his chest spelled his secret word. 

Four beats. Four letters.

The wordless scream of his heart.

_Love_.

_Yes._

Now he knows, _he’s hopelessly in love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't express how thankful I am for your warm comments<3
> 
> I hope you enjoy today's chapter:)
> 
> There's only one chapter leeeeftttt ommggg!!!!!!


	4. Your Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAHHH!!! It's finished!! So thankful for your support:) I hope you like the ending<3

**Do I Have To Ask?**

_Chapter -4-_

_Your Lips_

* * *

_Of course, he was in love with Killlua._

Loving him was the first thing Gon did after becoming a Hunter. And there was love dripping like blood on the Zoldyck’s home. 

Love in every broken bone when he fought alone. 

Written on the stars that gazed back at Killua’s eyes. 

And even after nearly kissing death, love was there, in his last breath.

How could he not notice this undeniable and unmistakable feeling? How could he not see it through the mirror, when it stares back through his nut-brown eyes. How could he not feel it manifest, when it was so palpable through the beating inside his chest. 

Or maybe, he had always known. 

Maybe, all these years, he was unconsciously suppressing his feelings. Afraid of continuously losing people by his selfish acts. Terrified of exploiting Killua’s selflessness — abusing his devotion, his undying loyalty. Because he’s sure that if he had told Killua of the love that resides within his heart, he would’ve tried anything to love him back. Endlessly trying his best to return Gon’s feelings. 

Yes, that’s what Killua would’ve done if he didn’t feel the same.

But, Killua’s different now, he’s not the same person that thought himself a tool. In order to protect Alluka, Killua gained self-love. He had to take care of himself, so he could be there for his sister, always. 

In the end, his self-love flourished from selflessness as well. 

What a beautiful broken person he is.

And as much as Gon craved to be loved by him — _to be wanted back._ To finally have a constant in his life. He can’t bring himself to ask for Killua’s heart. Having him here, lying next to him, is more than enough.

Because Gon's absolutely certain of one thing.

His love for Killua rivals his avarice. 

Needless to say, he won’t ask anything from Killua. Love or no love, all he’ll do, is stay by Killua’s side. If he’ll have him. 

“These days, you’ve done nothing but think.”

Yeah, Gon was pacing around his mind, “I know.”

“You don’t usually do that…so what’s up?”

_He’s crazy in love. That’s what’s up._

“I want to say something, but…” Gon gulps audibly, “I don’t know if I should.”

Killua hums with curiosity, “well, that’s new, you usually say whatever you want.” He starts to gently sway back and forth from the swing he sat on. “So, that means it’s something important, right?” He glances at Gon. 

“Really important,” Gon nods, griping the swing chain. 

“Does…it have to do…with me?”

Gon straightens his back, surprised. He immediately looks at Killua, “how did you—”

“—Oh please,” Killua interrupts, rolling his eyes, “you’ve been acting different around me.”

“Have I—”

“—Don’t play dumb.”

Gon chuckles. Killua knew him better, after all. 

“Yeah…” Gon sighs, glancing up at the stars. 

“So, tell me!” 

“If I tell you…” he shifts his gaze towards the ground, “I don’t want to…force you to stay with me, or feel the same.”

“You think I don’t want to stay with you?”

Gon shrugs. 

Killua gives a short laugh, “now that’s stupid.”

“It’s not,” Gon whines. 

“It’s very stupid,” Killua repeats while coming to a halt form his swinging. “Gon,” Killua makes eye contact with him, “listen closely, ‘cause I won’t repeat myself, I don’t like saying gross things.”

“…okay,” he whispers. 

Killua slowly exhales, “you saved me, alright. It’s thanks to you that I’m here, that Alluka’s free. And before you say anything about me saving you…well, yeah, of course, I also saved you.” He closes his eyes and then slowly opens them again, determination whirling through blue irises. “You taught me what it meant to be a friend, so it’s no surprise that after everything you’ve done for me, I wanted to do it back as well. Not because I needed to, but because I wanted to. I know we did stupid shit as kids, I mean,… we were in a war for crying out loud. We were only kids!” Killua exclaims. “We grew, we’re sorry…we changed. The only thing that’s left is for you to believe it.”

And suddenly Killua’s eyes are as clear as the night sky, shades of blue reflecting wondrous emotions. “Have faith in us, we’ll make it through,” Killua finishes with a warm smile. 

_Have faith in us._

Gon’s breath hitches, his vision becomes a sudden sea of emotions. Tears falling like the petals of a rose, skin wet with relief. Happiness spilling out onto his cheeks.

“Y-you’re…Gon, y-you’re—” 

“—Killua’s the best,” Gon cries out, “you said exactly what I wanted to hear,” he feels Killua’s sleeves wiping tears from his cheeks. 

“Dummy,” Killua says with fondness, “I should express myself more…sorry for saying it late.”

Gon shakes his head, “n-no it was perfect, thank you,” he hiccups, making Killua chuckle. 

_He can say it._

_He’ll have faith in them._

Gon will express what every beat from his heart meant. And it’s fine if Killua doesn’t feel the same, because they’ll be alright. They’ll make it through this. 

With dried tears, Gon stands up from his swing — sighing deeply into the wind. He turns around to look at Killua, who’s silently watching from his seat. Gon looks down at Killua’s sleeves, still wet from his tears. 

He smiles. 

Gon slowly walks towards him, bending slightly when Killua looks up at him. He reaches out to cup Killua’s cheek, raising his head upwards and leaning in. He hears Killua’s breath hitch, his eyes widening so much he can almost count the stars in them. Their noses gently graze as he leans in closer, humming quietly in their silence. Gon slightly tilts his head to the right, “allow me to be selfish for one last time…please.”

Killua blinks. “Yes.”

He closes his eyes and brings their lips together.

They kiss.

Gon can’t hear the crickets chirp. He can’t feel the wind blow. He can’t feel his legs. Nor his arms. Nor his face. He can’t feel anything but the touch of Killua’s lips against his — the sensation too overwhelming to process anything else. 

They both lean away — looking at each other, watching the night sky through their eyes.

Killua smiles knowingly. “Do I have to ask?”

Gon shakes his head. “No,” he crouches in front of Killua.

“Then, are you going to tell me?”

Finally, Gon is able to reply — conveying a lifetime of emotions into three simple words. “I love you,” he lets the words gently roll off his tongue. “Yes,” Gon breathes when Killua’s eyes widen, “I’m crazy about you…crazy, madly, deeply in love with you…head over heels—”

“—I get it, I get it…let me just,” Killua covers his face with his palms, “l-let my heart rest….it won't stop beating like a fucking drum.”

Gon laughs wholeheartedly, “and why would you want it to stop. That’s what it’s supposed to do.”

“You know what I mean,” Killua mumbles behind shielding hands. 

The moon smiles down at them, while the stars silently let Killua know that it’s alright for him to blush. The night will keep his flush a secret, so he should slowly let his hands fall. 

“Say it again,” Killua whispers. He slides his hands down his face, exhibiting his burning cheeks.

And Gon complies, “I love you,” he tenderly smiles.

“…again,” Killua asks with shimmering eyes.

“I love you—”

Killua pecks his lips, “again,” he repeats, making Gon’s heart skip a beat.

_Killua just…he just…kissed him._

Gon feels heat rise up to his cheeks, replying in a daze, “I love you—”

A chaste kiss and another whisper against his mouth, “again.”

“I love—”

“—I love you,” Killua interrupts him, breathing heavily. “ I do.” 

There’s a deafening ringing inside Gon’s ears, his heart drumming vigorously inside his chest. Gon’s lips tremble with happiness.

Killua wasn’t professing his love to the moon, _right_ ? He just told Gon he loved him as well, _right_? 

“You…do?”

“Yes,” Killua replies with an all too familiar color flowing through his cheeks — sprinkled cherry red, like freckles. 

And there are no words to explain this blissful feeling that reached each corner of his chest. He can’t articulate the way he’s floating with his feet still on the ground. The way he’s feeling. The way Killua makes him feel. His heart is hanging from Killua’s hands, making him powerless. Killua could do anything with it. Yet he decides to give it warmth.

Gon reaches for his hand — letting their fingers intertwine. Bronze skin mixing with white snow. “I’m so happy,” he eventually says, “I’m so so happy,” he rests his forehead on Killua’s.

“Yeah,” Killua hums, squeezing his hand. 

For a moment, the only indication that the world still turned where the continuous chirps from the crickets. That and Killua’s soft breaths, the sound quiet and soothing — making Gon a bit dazed. And if he doesn’t say anything, he’s going to lull the stars to sleep. 

“You know what…” Killua mumbles after a while, a grimace on his face. “I probably should’ve stopped you on the third ‘I love you,’ “ he buries his face on Gon’s shoulder, “that was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever been a part of.”

Gon chuckles — the rich sound spreading and filling the dark, “you asked.”

“Auughh…We’re covered in fucking cheese from all this fucking cheesiness — and we probably taste like fucking mozzarella—”

Gon lets his laugh run wild while throwing his head backward.

Life with him was beautiful. Full of laughter. Full of sweetness. Full of red-tinted cheeks and sapphire eyes. Killua is deep within his roots, and as much as Gon grows, he will always be there. 

_They’re in love, aren’t they?_

Killua gives him a smile, fond, and amused. 

_Yes. They are._

And they’ll be alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you catch the title drop??
> 
> I'm really sorry if it got way too cheesy!!!!!!!!! I'm not really that much of a cheesy person hehe I like my cute romance with fluff but no cheese xd Still, I guess I don't realize it's cheesy until I forget what I wrote and read it once more. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the ending as much as I loved writing it:) Gon's feelings are hard to express, so I was more than happy to see your lovely comments about liking the writing. You guys are so so nice!!! It warms my heart:)
> 
> Again sorry if it seems like an unrealistic confession!!!!!!! I was waaaaaay too into it while writing lol 
> 
> (p.s. if you read the line " 'Auughh…We’re covered in fucking cheese from all this fucking cheesiness — and we probably taste like fucking mozzarella—' " before, it was actually on one of my stories that I uploaded to ao3, but then decided to delete………lol…I wasn't satisfied with the writing…buuuut this line made me laugh, so I decided write it into this one xd hopefully it made you laugh as well!!)
> 
> (edit: I wrote on the notes of the first chapter that I liked poetry…and I like to pretend that I can play with words xd so if some sentences are weird please forgive my attempts at writing HAHAHA if you don't understand a sentence write a comment and I'll do by best at explaining what I tried to express.)  
>    
> You're welcome to bother me at my [**Tumblr**](https://wordsbymarcy.tumblr.com/) or [**Twitter!**](https://twitter.com/marcymore) Make me your friend.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! Leave a comment if you can!! Sending all of you love, wash your hands, take care of yourselves :)
> 
> _Marcy._


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